Hi I am James Bond .
I was in the back of a stealth bomber flying deep into the heart of an enemy under cover lair. As the aircraft landed the incredible hulk and I jumped out with our sniper rifles. I said "Hulk do you have enough bullets to last through the attack". We passed the first set of guards by shooting a sleep dart at them. We crept into the corridor by the office block and knelt down loading our rifles to take aim for the shot of truth. The target shot his gun but likely he missed me and shoot the door, we made a run for the plane. Petrified, exhausted,breathless, I ran as fast as humanly possible, for dread this might be the end.
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I liked it because you used punctuation but you could have used a wider range of punctuation
ReplyDeleteI really liked all of the action you put in your work. You have missed a few comma's here and there. I loved the fact you used the word crept instead of walked. Also, did you mean to put luckily instead of likely. Over all I really loved your writing.
ReplyDeleteGood work with accursed punctuation
ReplyDeleteWe'll done hattie good use of punctuation. But it is shot not shoot. We'll done good piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteOscar Curtis
It was action packed and draws the reader in. I especially liked how fast paced it was,but make saw you read your work out lowed.WELL DONE
ReplyDeleteThere was some good description. Having the prompt right at the end created good suspense. In one of the
ReplyDeleteTry to add wider range of phctuaton
ReplyDeleteIt is action packed and exciting but the fragment "the target shot his gun but likely he missed and shoot the door"
ReplyDeleteYou could use a wider range of punctuation but I like the way you did the sleep dart
ReplyDeleteI think that I used punctuation well to control the reader but need to check certain spellings. I now need to develop characters within my writing.
ReplyDeleteHattiesburg
I liked your piece of work because of the vocabulary choices especially the phrase 'The shot of truth'. I think that you need to look at characters so that you can work on your description.
ReplyDeleteI like how you introduced yourself at the beginning, you might need to go other your spelling mistakes and you need to add in a few comma's. Other wise it is a really nice piece of writing, if you want to chanllenge yourself then you could try and write it as one of the enemies!!
ReplyDeletePoppy from Suckley School