I
was sitting in the museum with my buddy Jake, and then I saw a gold shiny object
sat on top of the model of the T-Rex. Jake said it was just part of the frame
but I knew that it was not, so I decided to hide behind the Stegosaurus. When
the museum had shut I climbed to the top of the model and when I picked up the object
a bone fell to the floor. I quickly slid down the model, petrified, breathless,
I ran as fast as humanly possible, for dread that this might be the end.
By Oscar Curtis
I really liked your writing, and the fact that you used a adverb to describe how he slid down the model. When you picked up the bone, you missed a comma in between object and a (where the bone fell to the floor. Well done- Ella
ReplyDeleteI like how you described the gold shiny object because I makes it more interesting
ReplyDeleteI really like how much you described the gold shiney object on top of the T. rex model
ReplyDelete